I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
