You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
