so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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