lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize