I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize
