i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
