Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
