i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize