thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
