Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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