I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize