He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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