my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
