Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
