HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
