Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
