i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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