You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
