I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
