Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
