fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
