i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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