ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
