Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
