she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
