i don't plan on having that self control this summer
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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