he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
