Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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