I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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