redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
