and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
