it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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