Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
