i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
