Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
