ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
