im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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