Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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