Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
