Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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