Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
