It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize
