I think I died a long time ago.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize