Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
