I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
