It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
