After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
