Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize