The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
