I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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