I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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