i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
