coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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