Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Randomize
