doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
