You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
