Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
