Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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