I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
