I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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