The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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