i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
