I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
