There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
