you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
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