Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
