no you cant smoke seaweed
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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