I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
