I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
he fucked my hip out of place.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
