I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
