what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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