I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
