Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
