Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Randomize
