I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
