i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
