Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
