No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
