I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize