its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
