I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize