those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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