Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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