Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize