OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
