hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
