I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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