My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
