I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
