we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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