There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
