I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just invented taco cereal.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
