This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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