i already hear my dad disowning me
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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