the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
