i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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