R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
