thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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