she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
