somebody snuck up and got me drunk
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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