pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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