my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
