I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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