I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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