I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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