Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
