Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
