im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
