weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
