Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Watching her eat just hurts me
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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