Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
