dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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