He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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