my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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