Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
