Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
